sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
