There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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