Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
