He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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