i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I touched a dick in church today
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