I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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