I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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