I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
