if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
