Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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