So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
