if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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