: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
