you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
