I just cut my nipple shaving
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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