She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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