he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
