I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
