I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
