omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
