so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
