does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
