get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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