idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
