She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
