bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
