I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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