Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
