I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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