Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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