Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
