so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
