you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
