i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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