Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
