I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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