You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
