after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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