I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
