Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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