Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
COCAINE IS GR8
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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