The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
