ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
