YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
