I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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