So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
