I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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