im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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