Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
