Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
