We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
